When I first saw this, I laughed. Its one of those "wow, how true is that? harty har" cards. At least its meant to be. But I couldn't shake it. I haven't stopped thinking about it.
I went thrifting with my family on Saturday for the half off sales at the local goodwills. I found a few goodies (many were J crew, banana republic and a few other of my favorite brands) and I paid no more than 2.50 for each piece. This was exciting. As I was leaving, a sales clerk was checking everyone's bag to ensure no one stole anything. I kept thinking "why steal when I could get this already so cheap?"
I've lived the past 6 weeks with a suitcase worth of clothes. Yet, I still haven't worn half of them. I have an entirely stuffed closet at home. Which I actually already went through for the season and gave two stuffed garbage bags of clothes away.
These reminders keep coming at me. The fridge filled with food. So full stuff expires before I ever get around to eating it. The laundry piles. The sheer amount of stuff. Even when money has been tight, I've never been in need. Ever.I have never gone naked, never went hungry and still had a room stuffed with toys. Clean water. health. education. community.
And, yet, I still find myself battling the desire for more. Today I was making a mental list of things we 'needed' to buy here (because a few stores here are significantly cheaper than back home,) and then I did a weeks worth of laundry. Eowyn, (a kid who would probably prefer to just run around naked) had a whole laundry basket full. No, she doesn't need more onesies. No she doesn't need just one more cute outfit.
We are rich. Filthy rich. Richer than kings from before. Even King David didn't have clean running water. Nor did he have medicines to take away his pains. We can buy these things for the equivalence of a meal.
Even the things I think I need. like "basic color t-shirts," I've convinced myself that I need these things. Why? To go with of the slew of shirts I already have. Obviously.
I am humbled when I think of the way the rest of the world sees us. The way we consume and consume and consume then consume some more. It doesn't surprise me the bad taste people get in their mouth when thinking of Americans. We just take and then decide it was never enough. I'm one of the worst offenders.
I am in desperate need of a change.
I'm learning that being thankful has to be more than just a pretty paragraph of all I'm happy for. It has to be a heart change. It would be like Ben, sporadically thanking me for all I do for him as a wife, yet most of the time explaining all the things he really wants next from me. His thankfulness would mean nothing. I would feel devalued. I don't want to be that way towards the giver of all this. I don't want to thank God in my prayers then spend my free time adding more to my 'wishlist.' I'm so guilty of this. But it needs to stop. I don't need more.
Its as if I'm full-engorged really-but I keep eating. When will I finally say 'I have had enough?'
I'm struggling through this still. Is deprivation the answer? I don't think so... Martyrdom for me would only lead to pride and a judgmental heart of all those other 'consumers.' But how can we be truly thankful as we continue to gain? I'm working through it. As for today, I don't know the answer. I really want to just be thankful-deep down in my bones.
May my heart really believe the words "enough."
As we struggle through these days of starting a new business, I constantly find myself making a mental wish-list of "what we'll buy once this takes off." Thanks for these words, Britt. I need to keep checking my heart - am I content/joyful with where we are now, really? Or am I living in the dream-filled future? Setting goals and having a dream you're working toward isn't a bad thing unless it is leading to a dissatisfaction with God's will. Ya know?
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