Late at night, when we've finally wrangled our toddler and baby into bed and are taking a breath from it all, our conversations take a turn for the random. It sometimes forms into lists. Here are two such lists:
Why Toddlers Would Be Horrible College Roommates*:
1. They sometimes pee in the bed and have no plans of changing it.
2. Anytime a snack is brought out for oneself-they want demand some.
3.They don't really do their share of keeping the place clean, in fact, they think it's kind of fun to run through the dirt piles you sweep up.
4.When trying to get homework done, they almost always convince you to hang with them instead.
5. Surprise! They took off all the clothes you just worked hard to wrangle on them.
6. They eat like they're drunk. The spoon goes in your mouth, not your hair.
7.Speaking of inebriation, they often ask you to wipe their bum for them. Weirdly, you oblige and congratulate THEM on the job well done.
8. When you decide to go out together, you're almost guaranteed a few shenanigans. Ready or not, here they come.
9.Comedy to a toddler is closing anothers laptop when they're working on something. Like just now.
10.They get a wee bit jealous if you hang with other people or sit in their chair" No! My momma. My 'eat down'"
11. Much of toddler life is tragedy ridden. They kind of cry a lot over some pretty silly stuff. Your cup is within reach, but you're "stuck" between the couch and the footstool and thus can't reach it.
12. They insist on joining you in the bathroom, complete with intrusive questions about what number you're going. Or, if you're Ben, they sit by the door with a downcast face that you wouldn't let them in.
Why Toddlers Would Be Awesome Roommates*:
1. Everything you do, regardless of what it is, if you laugh, they do. It's not even a sympathy chuckle, it's a fully engaged belly laugh. It's Awesome.
2. When asking about an outfit, they always tell you it's "SO pretty."
3. They're super attune to emotions. So, if you cry, they're great at stopping what they're doing to comfort you. "Sad, mama? No worries..!"
4. They like to help with your laundry. They like to help with pretty much everything, actually.
5. Going anywhere is an adventure when they're around. Even the sunshine is exciting.
6. They've got some wicked dance moves and never make you feel silly when you shake it off.
7. No passive-aggressive nonsense. They let you know exactly how they feel.
8. Nakedness is experienced a lot when around toddlers. A refreshing no-shame-perspective to greet you daily. Hey! They're like the Finns!
9. When you come back from whatever you were doing for the day-they're super jazzed you're back. It's like a perpetual coming-home-from-war party. Makes one feel rather important.
10. Pretty much every selfie is 10X better with them in it.
11. The fierce loyalty of a toddler is incomparable.
12. They'll always join you in the bathroom. Complete with hand holding if needed for moral support. "Good Job, mama!" Thanks kid. Thanks.
*Experiences may vary. College Roommates, please don't use this list as a reference on how to be awesome, unless you want to have the dorm to yourself or get suspended.
