Reflections on this whole new mom thing


They weren't kidding when they said having a baby would be an emotional roller coaster. After a surprise entrance, it seems a little surreal still that sitting on my husband is our three week old baby girl. We were barely ready and a lot of the conversations I expected to have simply didn't have time to happen. The desire to be all prepared when this baby arrived simply wasn't fulfilled.

So now we're here. Whenever I pass the hospital I feel a little bit of an out of body experience-Brittany had a baby three weeks ago-said baby is in the back seat-Ben and I are parents.

We've been overwhelmingly blessed by our church friends, work friends, and just general friends as well as family. And thank you! There are several of you that have offered to come by and have graciously allowed for me to say 'yes, but later.' Again, thanks for that. Things are quieting down and hopefully that 'later' can turn into 'wanna come over!' after this week.

One thing I read during pregnancy is the idea of a 'don't do now' list. Becoming a mom means that things get to change-have to change-in order to maintain some sense of composure. Part of that, for me, meant recognizing that there's a time and place for everything-and looking into masters programs, trying to keep a spotless home, and feeling the burden of one-sided relationships just couldn't happen. My list of 'don't do now' allows me a lot of rest. There may be a time for all of those things and more-but that season isn't now.

So what is this season? I've decided its a lot of 'get to's' I get to spend time with that little girl and be present. Luckily, I have a supportive family. Staying at home gets to be a reality of mine without the weird feelings of not measuring up to some goals (I'll be honest in saying it was a struggle, and a lot of my own goals had to be changed.) I get to focus on being a wife and a mom, and overall, I get to focus on the relationships God has placed in my life. I consider it a privilege.

While I feel this way, these past few weeks have been full of emotional ups and downs. Feeling overwhelmed with the lack of sleep, the demands of a baby, and the fear of not doing something right (which is weirdly predicted far too much by the color of a baby's poo...) has definitely been present. Sometimes the idea of a 8-5 job doesn't sound so bad. However, I've also met God in those 2:40 AM moments when I'm beyond exhausted. I've felt encouraged, and I think in a lot of ways I'm learning a whole new level of sacrificial living. It's deepening my appreciation for God, and how he gave up his son. and its teaching me even more deeply the significance of being his daughter. If God designed us to be images of him, and this is how I feel as a parent? the lines of hymns "How deep the Father's love for us, how vast beyond all measure... "have become richer.

I had a lot of fears for Ben and I. I remember the first week I was paranoid. How does this change the way Ben sees me? What is our relationship now that we have a little human to grow? I've discovered its made it richer. I've gotten to see Ben in a new light-and his soft compliments in the wee hours of the morning affirming me as a momma fill my heart. Being noticed when it feels like no one else on earth is awake is one reassuring feeling. He's become even more of a friend, and we've gotten to fight for each other even more so. Even ensuring each others basic needs are met shows a lot of love.

So, life in week three of Eowyn has overall been good. God is faithful and while the question "how'd you sleep last night? " almost has a bit of a comic flare for us this days-we still are smiling about it, sometimes barely-but still smiling. Ben is kind of amazing in a whole new level and as all parents would say-we wouldn't want it any other way.

Thank you again to all our friends and family who have made us food, cleaned our home, came to visit us, send sweet checking-in texts and the like. You've made these weeks restful in ways I cannot begin to express.

1 comment :

  1. Gosh, I so love reading about your journey as a mom! What a joy it is to hear how you're doing, how Ben's doing, and how Eowyn's doing. Someday, she is going to look back at all the posts you've written about her, and it is going to be the sweetest, most meaningly present anyone could receive. You are truly fantastic, Brittany. :)