One perk of having an camera always on hand is the way it causes me to reflect. Things I so quickly pass by without giving any real thought to and quickly lose all recollection of have now become something I've thought about every time I retake a look at these. Coffee dates, funny moments, conversations. These represent a whole lot and I like that.
I don't think I've officially wrote this yet here, but for all identifying reasons, I plan on staying at home once our little girl is born. This was a pretty hard decision to make for Ben and I. It was a lot of long hours with Ben and I talking it through, going through pro and cons lists and a lot of prayer. Going through college at a Big 10 University, I heard and read the term 'opting out' in reference to stay-at-home moms and never wanted to feel like I was opting out- as if I'm choosing to not take advantage of amazing opportunities presented to me-by choosing to be at home. The more I think about it though, I really don't think that'll be the case. For us, I think it'll be opting in. Opting in to all the silly memories to be had, the growing of children that will someday be gone, building up a family and demonstrating what sacrifice looks like; even by the act of choosing to live with less tangible so we can have more intangible.
There's a lot that I could say. I even practiced little speeches in our car to explain our decision, but I think what it comes down to for Ben and I is what a young woman said while doing my hair for my wedding, she casually commented "there will always be time for this kind of work."
{Now, I wanna give a shout out to moms working out side of the home. For all sorts of reasons I think working out of the house while being a mom is a perfectly awesome decision. We plan on potentially having that be one of our decisions in our future. Both my Mom and Ben's have had their fair share of working outside to give their families the best available to them. I think its a seriously positive thing to do! You teach your kids valuable lessons about hard work and sacrifice and from all my friends who work away from home and from personal experience, the relationship you have with your little ones is just as intimate as any others. This choice really does depend on each couple and what would be best for them at that stage of life. Ben and I decided for our values, lifestyle, future choices, current stage in life, etc. this is what would be best for ours. Hear my heart-Too easily women read these kind of posts and feel all sorts of guilt. You shouldn't. I know every mom processes what would be best for her family and acts in that. You're doing best for your family. Be confident in that truth.}
So with that, I'm excited. I'm excited for all the little things. To keep things interesting for myself and her by going on random adventures and to be able to relive those memories with the scrapbooks and story telling when they grow up. I'm excited to grab lunches with Ben and bring our little girl, and to take all sorts of pictures like the ones above.
I hope I'll keep remembering that the work of raising her (and any others the Lord blesses us with) is time sensitive-it can only be done now and at some point it will no longer be available. Other types of work, in my case especially, can and will be done later. I have a mental checklist I go through every time I get discouraged with my fears of all this. I think it has its fair shares of struggle just like anything else. I hear its hard not to lose identity when being a stay at home mom, amongst other things. God has already been working on my heart and showing me just how much I will struggle with this without a proper perspective of Him. I have graphs (I'm a strong Myer's Briggs J) of the reality of my life to remind myself that even this is just a season. Eventually, sooner than later, our babies will be all grown. This season will be done. Learning how to embrace each season God takes us through has been a good learning lesson. Especially in learning to be joyful in each one. I'm joyful to, Lord willing, reminisce of these days with Ben. To reach the season where the 'just us' is reinstated and to be happy with the ways we spent the time when it was 'all of us'. To get to do that with our family-I get giddy just thinking of it.
I'm content with where we're at and with where we'll be in a few weeks (15-16 weeks!) All sleep deprived and going crazy...I'm looking forward to include a fuzzy head baby in these photos and to document what its like having a sweet little person to get to grow and nurture. I look forward to the adventure of it all.
Thanks for reading.
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