"You're SO real" :: Thoughts about this blog


One of the most frequent comments I get on this blog is "You're so real!" Thats the first thing that always is said.  There's been other things attached to it. Words like "brave" "vulnerability" "Honest" and all of these I store away as compliments to fuel the fire to keep blogging. You all have affirmed me and this blog and I can never thank you enough. This little baby is a joy of mine. and you readers, are what make it fun. 

And while I do make every effort to be real, I'm gonna be honest with you guys and say that even this 'real' 'vulnerable' blog has a very unreal presence to it.

For starters it never gets messy. I even like to go look at it to make me feel like my life is a bit more structured than it actually us. Unless the internet fails, I can post only the best 5 of my 600 images I took, and get them all centered, and my words can be spell checked (although all my grammar friends know that I fail despite efforts.) There won't be frequent server fails or messed up CSS. Celebrating Daily with its pretty flowers can always look shiny. Even at 2 am.

I can tailor my facebook page, my blog, and every other online presence I want until its just right. I spend time crafting what I think is a clever status (and oh how good I feel when you affirm it! "They think I'm funny too"!) I spend time editing my photos to reflect light just right.

But home? The wreck of dishes in the sink, the random spoon and papers and books that somehow got thrown up onto my living room floor. The shower I took last night that then turned my hair into a rat's nest this morning when I woke up (because curly hair is a beast to be tamed, people,) Eowyn's room that smells a little too much like diapers despite all modern efforts; Good lord, we just want to open a window but then we'll freeze. All of these things can't be tailored every single second. And 'real' more often than not is not desirable. Its frantic. Its messy. It raises my blood pressure.

You probably all know this. We see it a lot-this pitch to remember the real vs online,  but do we really embrace it and make it part of how we process? Do we deep down ponder these truths as we read through blogs that have fun pictures, edited to show all the good stuff? Do we realize that all of this really is such a tiny minuscule percent of a life? I don't. I just covet instead.

And while I try to not just shove all the good happy moments in your face, the reality is that's typically what makes the cut. We celebrate daily around here.  So what gets here is the celebrations. You may think "but you talk about struggle" and yes, I do. Yet, most of what makes it here is still processed struggle.  You get to see a bit of the ongoing heartache of struggle through miscarriage and have seen us trudge through marriage junk and kid frustrations.  But you see the refined fire bit, the celebrated struggle, The "sweet" of the bittersweet; not the ashes, and tears that my husband, and close friends have to walk through with me. So by the time my readers eyes make it to this page, so much healing and processing has already happened. In fact, by the time it gets there, we are closer to okay than not okay. Readers don't see when I burst into tears when someone hugs me and tells me she felt for me when she heard the news. Readers don't see the red face my snotty head gets when I cry. Some days things are not okay. Like. Really. Not. Okay. Someday's the God we serve seems more distant and some days I fight bitterness, disbelief, frustration and have to force the 'celebrate' out of me. Those are typically also the days I don't blog.

A lot of days I'm praying out loud "Make my heart better-oh and FIX EOWYN, 'Cuz this child sometimes drives me crazy (and I can make her pretty upset too. Life is hard when you cant drum the laptop and eat pennies.)

Why am I saying this? Haven't I said all this before? I feel like once a year I like to throw out this disclaimer. Mostly so we  can realize the true value of friendships and put cyber community-as amazing as it is-in its place: Behind real-in-flesh community. That's where the 'real' 'brave' and 'honest' really gets to happen.  I know so many of you can relate when reading, and when you're with me in the flesh is when your knowing eyes meet mine. And thats when I know you can relate.

So I guess what I want out of this is to say thank you. Thanks to those of you who actually do know what my face looks like in its cry-state. (God bless you for not affirming when I ask you if I look like a cherry.) Thank you to those who have moved towards us in friendship as awkward as it gets, who give me solutions to my baby dilemmas, you relate to me in my frantic "...this child..." unfinished sentences. You carry life with me. Thank you to those who have forwarded along books, asked me how things are going, texted me funny pictures of your face  with double chins (I seriously have the best friends) to make my day better. Thank you to those who once were just in this cyber community and have moved into the flesh community. I love you. Like real down deep love you.

You make all of this so beautiful. May this blog serve to catch all the good moments as we are carried through by the real deep down friendships. May this blog continue it's function as the blessing it already has been in making those physical- I can hug you for real-friendships happen again and again. But may all of you know this fuzzy headed girl is most the times that exactly that: Fuzzy. And this blog has a solid dose of quality "hair-gel" and photoshopped lighting.

As always thanks for reading.

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