Due Date :: Happy Birthday


There's a lot of ways this day could go down. Over the past several months, I've thought through them all and I've come to one conclusion: There isn't a right way to do this.

But, there is a 'feels right' way for our family and our family is one that celebrates. So we shall.

How does one celebrate in the face of their baby dying (let alone the reality that another's gone too)? The first word that comes to mind is remembrance. But even that's tricky. What do you remember? We could remember a number of things ; the heartbeat ultrasound, the excitement of imagining Eowyn with a little sibling, the day we found out that we miscarried, the dreams lost, the sadness that followed, the ache and struggle that creep up and settle in so deep. The fight for truth. These all come to mind. These are things I'm well acquainted with. It's far too easy to stay here.  

Yet, there are other things we can remember today. And those are the very truths today will be marked by.

Today, we choose to remember that death is dead; That the God-man came, lived perfect, died and rose again so there would be life abundant. 

Because of Christ's life and death,  we can 'take heart' even when our baby's heartbeat stopped. Because there is eternity and there is a God who has numbered our days here, we can be hope-filled. We can find joy because that very God is the God we serve. He is for us and we are in Him.

We're celebrating the reality of an eternal birthday, the reality that our second and third child never faced sin's grip. They never felt the ache of things not-quite-right. We're celebrating the truth and reality that God is alive, and is on the throne and has a plan and this is all part of it. Our childrens' lives were always meant to live in the forever presence of the Most High and soon enough we'll join them.

Tangibly, how do we celebrate? Mexican food (obviously) and dessert and perhaps seconds.

Every February 6th henceforth, we'll bring our kids together and eat good food and remind them that there is a God who has overcome death and because of what he has done, each of us will one day arrive at our final destination. Some of us sooner (so soon), some of us later.  Because of our belief, we will be joyful that the destination for us is one worth celebrating. We'll be ever thankful that God loved us enough to even kill the thing that would try to kill us all and keep us in the grave.

This is probably my favorite audio clip on the entire internet. It's put to some rocky meets chimey music, but putting that aside (or embracing it-love me some rocky music), my heart soars and I ugly-cry and do 20 fist pumps while listening to it every time. I first found this a few years ago(during easter) and it has gone with me since.

When I meet Ravi Zacharias, you can bet all the money in your wallet I'm gonna hug that man past the point of awkward. He gets it, he gets gospel and he speaks Jesus truth to my heart everytime I hear him.  I hope you take a second (or 4 minutes) to listen to him with me. On this day, it'll be on repeat.

Praise the Lord Jesus, Wonderful Counselor, the Christ, the Son of the Living God, The Way, the Truth and the Life. My Lord and My God.

I always joke with Ben that when I die, I just want him to throw a party in honor of me and at the end, casually announce my passing. He often pokes holes in this (like the fact that it's a bait and switch, rather cruel, and not kind to the grieving) and I see his point (so don't fear if you get invited to a party.) Yet, we both agree that celebrating a life or event is one of the best ways to remember and cherish.

We are thankful for our babies lives and in some ways, even their step into eternal. While we grieve what we lost, we certainly celebrate all that has been gained. Those who have also lost their children have echoed my sentiments. Who we are on this side is not something we would trade. Death often leads to glory. We have seen our God in a way that is tangible, in ways that put my greatest struggles of faith to rest. Yet, we wish the reality was one where we could be who we are in the precious company of our littles.

We miss you, and love you, and celebrate you.

Happy Birthday. May the feast you are experiencing be far more beautiful than our hearts' imagination. May the glory of being in the presence of the most High be the deepest of joys and may your life and death bring knowledge of His goodness to others so they can join us.

"I have told you these things, so that in me you may have peace. In this world you will have trouble. But take heart! I have overcome the world. "
John 16:33

As you go about your day, please pray for us; That truth will invade our hearts today and tomorrow and that we'll rest in that peace that our God is for us; that the end of this story is an absolutely breathtaking one. 

As always, thanks for reading. Really. Thank you.

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