I've gotten to experience my mom somewhat more than other kids get to experience theirs. For that I am grateful and have an ever deeper meaning of who she is and what she's about. Even as I write I have to pause as I think of the countless times our conversations and her acts of kindness, dignity and integrity have moved me to a deeper understanding of life, who God is, sacrifice, and being a wife, mother and a friend. My mom is....remarkable, breathtaking. Blessed.
I remember when I went to college, that was the first time I felt it. A deep pit in my stomach. For weeks I wondered what it was that I was feeling, and then I realized that when I had those conversations with my mom, I didn't feel it anymore. I was safe. I was who I was supposed to be. My mom had me convinced that I would be a world changer, that I was one of the most important things the world needed and there was never anything that could change that. It is a remarkable thing, the power mothers have over a child's perceptions of themselves. While my mom didn't give me impossible dreams, or this false sense of perfection, she did ingrain in me that I was precious and made for a purpose. That I was of enormous value and worth. I don't think I noticed this truth until I had the world telling me otherwise. Those daily conversations with my mom were what kept me alive during many if not most days of my college career.
I remember, when my sister was with her kids one day, I thought to myself "These boys have no idea the remarkable woman their mom is..." I know Breana in such a different way than these boys do or ever will. I don't think they'll ever see the awesome wit, the incredible fashion, the sisterly love and the ridiculously awesome woman that she is...(but that's for another day.) It was then I realized that I, like those boys...might not actually know my mom. I remember becoming quite curious just to observe my mom for who she was, not for her contributions to my life and my sister's. It was then I encountered an ever deeper understanding of this incredible woman.
My mom is someone who has risen from her circumstances. Against most odds she has created an identity that eludes grace, humor, and a peaceful elegance. She photographs, she creates, she grows and she invests in so many. There's such a sacrificial attitude to my mom. She assumes a servanthood and is gracious with her service. She takes care. She listens. She pours herself into others, not for the hopes that they'll notice what she has to offer, but in the hopes that her struggles, trials and life are things that can benefit the other. She's profound.
There has been countless times when her wisdom has saved me heartache and has replaced it with joy. Once I actually started asking her questions.... like "what was your childhood like?", what did she love to do before kids, "what was marriage like when you were young?", "what do you want to do now?" I started seeing this very delicate, yet very capable woman. My mom is a legacy in herself, and I get to be part of it.
In my opinion, heroes are individuals whom, not only that I admire, but someone whoI regularly work to use their example in my life. They've presented themselves to have astounding character and have a willingness to pour into others and lead by example. My mom is the epitome of this.
Right before I was married, she sent me a letter and at the end of it she wrote about her love for me: "Always know that this love only grows deeper throughout the course of time."
I feel the same way.
Here's to you, mom.
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